Donkey Kong Country Returns is the most self-explanatory title since New Super Mario Brothers. It's literally a return to the vine-swinging, barrel-blasting, death pit hoppin', baddie stomping, 2D platforming of the original Donkey Kong Country. It's half remake, half remix, and a whole lotta fun. Old-school never gets old... but it can get a little messy.

This time around, a second player can join in as Diddy Kong anytime, and most levels have more than one checkpoint to cut back on repetitive retries. Progress is now saved automatically (sorry Candy Kong fans). Gone are one-hit deaths in favor of a much fairer two-hit life meter which can be replenished with scattered heart pieces. These improvements are long overdue and make the game much more enjoyable. Control-wise though, newer is not always better, and the lack of a classic control option is an annoying contrivance. The nunchuk and NES-style configurations are equally subpar: both require a flick of the remote to do a roll, which is crucial for performing longer jumps from a ledge.

In my day, “classic controls” were just a joystick and a button!

The obvious problem with this setup is that the timing is less exact than a button press and requires careful trial and error adjustments. Why not cut out the guesswork and include a classic control option since it has the same layout as the original's? Some would say that practice makes perfect, but I say that jabbing a remote to make a monkey roll is like changing a television channel with a rotary phone: yes it's (probably) feasible, but removing precision where it's needed the most is an arbitrary paradox of stupidity. Expect to die accidentally -- a lot. There's always the “Super Guide” to bypass harder levels, but only a chimp would need that!

Retro has monkeyed around with several other fundamentals of the Super Nintendo original, and some tweaks really aren't for the better. Gone with the one-hit kills are the supporting cast of Kong family members and animal buddies, leaving the journey a somewhat solitary one. Besides that, DK has an unstoppable momentum in his roll-jumps and doesn't feel as maneuverable in mid-air, Diddy has a jet pack and can't be controlled in the single-player game, holding a button is required to hold on to a vine or grassy wall, and the collectable stuff from previous DK games returns to form a sizeable inventory wall on the pause menu.

Who's your bafomdaddy?

Accumulated from previous developer Rare's numerous gameplay-padding gimmicks, this variety of shiny collectable stuff can keep perfectionists happy for hours and it's been repurposed as well. Nabbing all four letters of K-O-N-G in a level no longer yields an extra life and getting all the hidden puzzle pieces in a level will earn something else entirely (discover it on your own, whippersnappers!). Banana coins are littered liberally throughout every stage and can be used to buy even more (mostly useful) stuff from Cranky Kong. The bonus rooms themselves are like the original DKC's simple rooms of bananas, now with a time limit. They can't be re-entered after a failed attempt, so a do-over will require a suicide or exiting or finishing the stage. This wasn't a big deal in the original but now there's a puzzle piece at stake... but if you suicide or exit from the pause menu to try again, you have to re-find the K-O-N-G letters since the last checkpoint. Oog! I appreciate the revival of old-school gameplay but the bonus rooms definitely feel stale.

When it comes to level design though, this game is anything but a stale collect-a-thon. Crammed with domino-like scenery changes, background interaction, crazy barrel-blast sequences, and tipping, tilting, perilous platforms, this game pulls out all the stops. The Kongs are often taken on wild detours through dense vegetation and temples on a scale that would have been impossible on the Super Nintendo.

While each world never strays from jungle/forest/desert video game cliches, most levels have their own unique hook. Recurring ones include mine carts, side-scrolling rocket barrel rides, and chases that involve the level environment's total destruction. One of my favorites was in a level where the Kongs race across a beach during high tide and must find cover between deadly waves that crash toward the screen. It was night and the music was fitting, crabs were getting wiped out left and right, and my heart was pounding each time the water rushed in. Moments like this reflect a high standard of craft and are a testament to Retro's talent. Believe it or not, the unlockable levels are even better.

100-percenting DKCR will be no small task; just finishing it is going to take tons of practice and extra lives. There were more than a few times I came back from a cycle of deaths so enraged that I blazed past a series of obstacles with menacing agility. I was fuming and enthralled at my progress all at once! It's that old-school spirit that makes a game like this so rewarding, but the inferior controls should've never been part of the challenge.

Gamers young and old will still have plenty of fun.