PixlBit

Who knew that bugs in the calamari was a bad thing?

I hated Squids Odyssey. It was too hard, it was just a stupid twist on Angry Birds, and it was going to throw countless levels at me before I could say I had finished it. Then, I realized I was doing everything completely wrong. Once I understood that Squids Odyssey really is a tactical, physics based RPG sort of thing, I became enchanted. The level layout, the character design, and the delightful music wriggled their way into my heart and made me fall pretty hard for Squids Odyssey. Unfortunately, the redemption only lasted until I hit more and more game-crashing bugs and my enjoyment was dragged back down to a comfy middle ground.

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The other great way to park.

Oh, the rush of zipping around another car, missing its bumper by a tiny smidge, and slamming on the brakes as you pull into the perfect parallel spot before oncoming traffic T-bones you into oblivion! This is the heart-revving, nerve-rattling, airbag-exploding life of a Parking Star: a fantastical existence we can all now get a taste of thanks to Parking Star 3D! Alright, I can’t hide the fact that parking cars is lame, but thanks to my low expectations, after playing Parking Star 3D I almost feel like parking is really exciting.

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Series experiences massive head trauma.

If I wanted to be really lazy, I’d just post a link here to the review I wrote for Trials Evolution a couple years back and be done with it. But, “Whoa!” you say, “What about the updates and new features that they added to this demanding skill-based motor bike racer?” I’m sorry to tell you, friend, that the little changes RedLynx made to Trials Fusion only make it worse.

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Crush my brain with an anvil.

It’s hard to believe that a quaint game concept where you play the part of an apprentice arms dealer in an RPG could lead me to a dark place, but it happened. Weapon Shop de Omasse, with its cute exterior, forces you to spend time between intended-to-be-comical character interactions pounding away at the most laborious, repetitive, and malformed rhythm game ever created.

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Get all emotional with teh Haloz.

Halo games have continuously fumbled the stories that justify Master Chief and crew blowing everything up. Somehow amongst this mess of in-game cut scenes, a colorful and interesting sci-fi universe with tons of potential was cobbled together, ready to be harnessed by a real pro. Karen Traviss has worked wonders with Halo’s raw materials in the final installment of the Kilo-Five trilogy, Halo: Mortal Dictata, giving us an action-packed book with moral quandaries and personal relationships injected throughout – intensely better than the clunky narratives the games foist on us.

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