STAGE SELECT: In The Maze of Galious, you can play as Princess Aphrodite and save your now demon-filled castle (Castle Greek) from the clutches of the evil mage Galious. Doing so will not only reclaim your kingdom but also save your future unborn child who was kidnapped from heaven and shut within. If that's not girl power, I don't know what is.
CAGE MATCH: Again, Sylvando. Dragon Quest XI wins.
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Oh, that's easy, even though I wasn't really a Microsoft person my favorite demos (like, ever!) were in 2007 and 2008 for the Xbox 360. August 21st, 2007 was the release of the Skate demo, a demo so good some people say it stopped people from picking up the real game. Sure it was only the first area, but it introduced an insane new control system that you could do *fully* right from the start. No unlockables or pesky mechanical progression here, everything you can do in the game you can do right in that little community center skatepark. Well, for 30 minutes at a time, anyways. I spent hours and hours replaying it and trying little tricks, looking up online for glitches and neat little lines, until I was absolutely sick of it. And apparently so did everyone else, instead of actually *buying* the game. It cemented my love for the series that I would never regret (well, barring the terrible Skate It spin-off for the Wii, DS, and iOS, yikes. Also, who knows how that new one will be! But besides that, 3 golden games). October 31st, 2008 was the the release of the Mirror's Edge demo, another game with controls that blew my mind. And while it didn't have the longevity of the Skate series there's actually a decent official 2D version made in Flash by the guy that did Fancy Pants Adventure. And Catalyst... exists. Sure it got most things wrong but much of it is fine. I think? Anyway, Mirror's Edge is great, just fast paced first-person parkour with a bunch of neat little tricks and shortcuts you can learn in grand, sprawling handcrafted levels with an absolute killer soundtrack. You can run, you can slide, you can kick off buildings and hit difficult speed-saving rolls. Eventually, years later, I even hit the in-game speedrun times and max starred the time trials (including the DLC), which is no mior task. It might've been the first game I really put a lot of effort into! At least something that wasn't like, I don't know, Contra or Battletoads or something. But into something *actually* fun.
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
I'm sorry, I gotta go with the people on this one. And I've seen more pictures on social media of shirtless Mario then I've ever seen of shirtless Dead or Alixe Xtreme Beach Volleyball characters. Apparently it's just what the people want! I don't even care if it's the wrong game. You're thinking of it right now. Shirtless Mario. Don't lie. Super Mario Sunshine wins!
Stage Select: Argh, I had so many I wanted to bring up, notes I started last week and everything, and then of course this week I forget until Friday morning after having shut off my laptop and am well into OTC melatonin haze. So this'll be a fast one! Or at least one that makes less and less sense as it goes on. It's going to be that one.
First is every enemy where the developer is like, "Come on, you know, I know you know I know you know." Like when they put Foot Clan soldiers right in front of those hydrants in TMNT 2: The Arcade Game (or I think there's ninjas you can baseball shuryukins at, that's a great feeling, any counter) or those Willys early on in Double Dragon that just so happen to be right in front of that huge industrial pit or whatever that's supposed to be. If they could model little tennis shoes on the Famicom I bet one or two of them would choose that *exact* moment to tie their laces.
The second one that comes to mind right now is from Nioh 1, this is going to take some explanation. I think it's Tachibana Muneshige that was in the Beta before Nioh's release. There's a skill called Composure that the Ninjitsu branch gives you where, and I don't know the details, but you get a skill where as long as you're unarmed you can do a counter move by grabbing the human enemy's blade or weapon with your bare hands, twisting it out of their grip, and using their own weapon against them to stab them in the gut for massive damage. I couldn't find the details but I'm fairly sure the hitbox frame time is much, much smaller than the normal counters that you can do with weapons normally for good but not amazing damage. I can't stress it enough, you don't want to be unarmed for a long period as it's not even a style really, it's just you can't really attack or defend hardly at all (even the dodge is funky). During the Beta I got really, really good at baiting in a certain 3-hit combo from Tachibana and hitting the Composure counter at the last one. I even beat the boss that way without taking damage, which still takes a bit of doing even being perfect with the counters. Thankfully, doing any sort of counter like that is still really good in Nioh, especially when the game throws 2 or 3 human bosses at you at once as a challenge for the end and postgame. So learning counters early and just having a laugh doing the hardest version of that over and over again actually paid dividends in the end. Take that, Nobunaga's ambition!
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Okay, skunks are more terrifying than bunnies, sure. *Normally.* But being "punky" just kinda means being cool which actually makes it less terrifying, power-wise. And a bunny with the power of organized religion? That's just super terrifying. Easter Bunny’s Big Day wins.
If nobody submitted Easter Bunny's Big Day vs Punky Skunk as a cage match I'm super, super disappointed in this community.
STAGE SELECT:
"...O-N-A-C-I-O-U-S. Perspicaticanonacious."
"Correct. You're our winner, if you can get past the dodgeball round."
And that's mini-games. I just want to get really good at the game part of the game, you know? If I wanted a fishing game I'd stop playing whatever it is I'm playing and go get a *good* fishing game. Nintendo and Square-Enix are particularly bad about there weirdly difficult mini-games outta nowhere. A special circle of hell if they're required to complete the game or get otherwise good side content.
This is a long tangent and feel free to skip it or read it later, but the topic reminded me of something I think applies. I'm currently playing the GameBoy Color remake of Dragon Warrior III. It adds a feature that every monster has a slim chance of dropping a monster medal. To get to the extra superboss, it requires that you get a silver medal of every single monster in the game. I'm not exactly sure of the odds, but you have a something like a 1:16 chance of getting any medal drop (although treasures seem to get in the way too), less if you're trying to get a higher quality medal, from the last enemy you kill. Thankfully, the game only requires you to get 2 bronze medals to equal a silver. There's also a gold medal (non-upgradeable) that does nothing but the last superboss challenges you to do it... and rewards you by being asleep (which actually is a punishment as it prevents a refight). Also, some enemies are extremely rare to appear in and of themselves, so enjoy the 1:128 possibility of a gold medal from a monster you weren't even sure was actually there in the first place. Well, actually enjoy getting bronzes and silvers from it too because the game has an incremental system for medal drops. I don't know where that applies because it's not even a good idea in the first place, but I'm glad games (even grindy ones!) have mainly gotten far away from garbage like that.
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
I had the Scott Pilgrim vs The World remake crash on the last level of the game, which would have required me to replay the whole extra long level if I was going to try it again (hint: I did not), so I'm using my video game gambling funds to pay the referee to look the other way. Plants vs Zombies wins!
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I know it's not really the question but I'm going to be the twit that says, "None, really." There's so many neat games out there and I want to play them all, damn it. Damn you, time! There are a bunch of games, like any early Super Mario Bros games, that I just can't play without having such a subjective stain on things it's practically solipsistic. Weirdly it's not every game I played in childhood, I replayed Metroid and Zelda 1 and they're fine, experience things I don't remember and the games, while not exactly fresh, still take some getting used to. Not the same for Super Metroid and most of Zelda 2 though! I can practically play those in my sleep. Once I also got bad feedback when I recommended Mystical Ninja for the SNES, it didn't even occur to me how harsh the overworld segments can be. Just didn't even register!
Oh, also a lot of adventure games would be good ones to replay fresh, or anything you need to figure out. I could mention the classics (and I'll mention some real adventure classics like The Maze of Galious and Legacy of the Wizard), but for the other part I'll say that Fez is such an experience that really you can't go back to. Once you know everything, the puzzling is still interesting but it's nothing like the first time. A lot of games where the gimmick is figuring out the controls, like Umihara Kawase or Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy, are games you can certainly keep trying to master but, in a way really, it's not the same game as the one you play while struggling.
Finally, if nobody mentioned it I'll say any immersive sim. Part of the fun in Hitman is experimenting with things but that becomes more limited when you master it (then it's just weird edge cases and stealth stuff). It's less interesting when you realize 90% of items are just the same throwable melee attack. Although I want to be clear, I'm not smacktalking Hitman. To that game's credit, it is immersive sim-y enough there's some really weird edge cases and strategies to master (and because of that it has an insane speedrun/challenge community). But I figure it's another good example of a game where the meta changes drastically once you get used to it.
CAGE MATCH:
Dr. Muto's got Vexx on the ropes! Who will save the Astara from the Shadowraiths now? But what's this!? By gawd, it's Iggy's Reckin' Balls to the back of the head! Wow! They're gonna have to finish the Genitor 9000 just to rebuild his skull! What a duo, definitely our favorite tag team (checks card), Vexx and Iggy's Reckin' Balls! Vexx wins!
Wow, what timing, I just completed the newer Chrono Trigger port with the Chrono Cross content added!
Please give it to whatever the other game listed is. Sheesh.
Usually Twitter is OK about giving me NWP content but since the troubles started it's been worse and worse. Didn't even see this one went up until the other day (although part of that's my fault, I should be checking my podcaster). Thankfully I'm getting plenty of Facebook-quality political posts though!
Stage Select:
I saw a random headline yesterday: "Gfuel has announced a Conker's Bad Fur Day 'Might Poo' Flavor. My question is this: What other crimes against humanity would you like to see vis-a-vis gaming? Thank you.
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
Giving this to Chrono Cross. One of the best Mario games versus a lesser sequel is a no-brainer.
Holidays, amirite?
STAGE SELECT: A new crimeboss rolls into Gotham City and, through advanced information brokering, figures out the identity of Batman. Joining up with the thugs and supergangs of Gotham, an all-scale attack is set out on Wayne Manor. Most of the superhoroes are too busy mopping up distraction campaigns and stopping the most ruthless, military-scale attacks. The game plays out like a mix between Home Alone and a real-time stealth game, where you set traps and ambush invaders seeking to clip the bat. While the superheroes are busy, you do have limited access to minor ones such as The Oracle, Robin, etc., who can use their specialties and tools under certain conditions. Good new: this is home turf and you know this place better than the back of your hand. Bad (bat) news: you are NOT The Batman, The Batman currently being on critical life support deep within the manor after an earlier attack. Moving him is perilious at best. Best news: You are Alfred "Perhaps you relied on my master's vow against using lethal force. Let me assure you that I subscribe to no such niceties." Pennysworth.
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Spider-Man (2018) is fine I guess, but does it have Bruce Campbell telling you to go jump into a lake? Spider-Man 2 (2004) wins. Also, the swinging is tricky which is fun!
Oops, missed one! Been celebrating the holidays so I probably just missed the Tweet.
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What advice would you give your younger self if you could go back in time?
If you follow the Nerds Without Pants Podcast you'll have the opportunity to give your younger self advice by going back in time!
What is your comfort movie or TV show?
I have a lot but let's see if I can think of an interesting one... I think Avatar: The Last Airbender makes a great workout mix.
Who would play you in a movie?
Have you ever seen Todd Solondz's Palindromes? Boy, there's an awkward question. I just think it would be funny to be played by a bunch of strongly disparate actors and actresses.
What's a word that should come back?
Gnarly.
What food is too much work for you to bother with?
I don't like handling meat and I like carbs so I tend to bake instead.
How big of a difference has corn made in YOUR life?
Some questions are just too personal to ask.
Are gift certificates actually gifts?
Watching shadows on a cave wall. The sound of one hand clapping.
Should I (Justin Hamm) spend an exorbitant amount money for a new PC?
Am I Justin Hamm in this question? God damn do I hate dolphins. For myself, I'm actually happier with just a decent computer (or even a laptop) and then use the money elsewhere (video games, hobbies, whatever). As long as it can run most everything at low-mid settings that's more than fine for me. And even most cheapo gaming computers can do that. The only thing I dislike about mine is that it doesn't have enough RAM for seamless multitasking or weird computer/art projects, and I could fix that with $150 or so. Then again, I've seen what modding can do to a computer. Maybe wait for whatever the new big modding game is and then spend too much? Or follow sale discussion sites and strike whenever the opportune time to get discounted cards is?
VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
Samus's normal Power Bombs are no match for Zangief's Flying Power Bombs. Street Fighter 2 wins.
